When I am going through difficulties it is super hard for me to remain strong. I do have a tendency to become overly emotional I’m sure many of you are not like that. In the last few weeks I’ve been going through a lot of things mentally, physically, and emotionally, concerning my son Jaiden. For those of you have children with autism and a special needs you may know exactly what I’m going through. Jaiden will be fifteen next week and I’ve done so much I believe to try to help him through his difficulties. However, I’ve come to a point where I’ve exhausted all I can do for him and feel that I’ve reached my capabilities in helping him.
Jaiden this past year has become increasingly aggressive and agitated and physically combative. In helping him through all of this and all of these years with schooling, therapies, medical appointments, toileting, showering and comforting him when needed I lost myself. I forgot about the others in my household. I forgot about myself. I started to take Jaiden on walks, I thought this would help me a little and in the process I’m helping him too. BUT that only worked for so long. Everything I tried and did to find peace resulted in failure or Jaiden melting down. Not his fault at all. I admit I lost myself and instead of letting others help more I tried to do more for him so much so our home started to fall apart.
I say this all to ask are you taking care of yourself? Are you taking care of yourself? I am now starting to understand that self care is so important to your emotional well being. I am writing in a journal daily now, trying to be mindful of what I eat and drink now. In addition to time in quiet. I wasn’t taking very good care of myself. I hope that you can catch a break if you can.
I am slightly depressed now. Slightly. Although I now have a break and am more aware how life is changing. Jaiden will be with his biological father and all the grandparents more now as they have all agreed to help out. I am thankful, but as I said before, slightly depressed. Maybe in time I will feel less depressed and more peaceful. In the meantime, I will continue to make an effort to take care of myself and I hope you will too. It’s a long journey and you might as well start taking care of yourself now and enjoy what you can now.
“I am greatly afflicted; Renew and revive me [giving me life], O Lord, according to Your word.”
Psalms 119:107 AMP
Listening to: Lady Gaga A Million Reasons
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“Learning to suffer well is the key”