Nothing But Awareness

I’ve been reckless, focused, scared, strong, elated, grateful, selfish, hopeless, depressed, satisfied, overwhelmed, challenged and exhausted. I have been in fight, flight and freeze mode. Normally, it’s easy for me to create goals and vision boards. However, this time I’ve got nothing BUT God.

Has it really been 10 weeks? It has been 10 weeks since I had a mental, emotional breakdown. The day where I felt pain, confusion, anxiety, anger and sadness. All of us have suffering, and all of us have that holy silence within us that pulls us back to reality if we can become aware of God being present.

We are in a new chapter, my family and I and I look forward to connecting with my family and friends, as well as brand new one’s. I look forward to family dinners with my boys, basketball games, Bible studies, new beginning’s, spending time in worship, serving and making decisions that matter.

I considered how life would be without God. When we go through things we have to be strong and know that God is our companion and he is willing and ready to reveal himself to us. He will help. I was in the midst of a mess and didn’t want to be aware of Gods presence, but he is omnipresent he is always there. He knew exactly what was going on and it was going on in his presence. You can’t hide a thing from God. He is our peace in the midst of a mess. He will help you to survive it!

If you are going through a difficult time, are not able to make the right decisions, take a step back, breathe and know God is there. At times you will feel by yourself BUT you are not alone. Be more aware that God is always with you.

Scripture

“The Eternal is my shepherd, He cares for me always. He provides me rest in rich, green fields beside streams of refreshing water. He soothes my fears; He makes me whole again, steering me off worn, hard paths to roads where truth and righteousness echo His name. Even in the unending shadows of death’s darkness, I am not overcome by fear. Because You are with me in those dark moments, near with Your protection and guidance, I am comforted. You spread out a table before me, provisions in the midst of attack from my enemies; You care for all my needs, anointing my head with soothing, fragrant oil, filling my cup again and again with Your grace. Certainly Your faithful protection and loving provision will pursue me where I go, always, everywhere. I will always be with the Eternal, in Your house forever.”

Psalm 23 THE VOICE

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Have a Question for Maritza?

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Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

Wordless Answers When Suffering

We all can’t deny we will suffer at some point in our lives. I am learning how pain may never go away, but we choose to suffer by holding on to the things we can’t control. Some hurts are extremely painful and I do understand if you have situations beyond your control, sickness, disease or all kinds of poisonous people in your life throwing out what they believe is best for you. It hurts all of it.

When does the suffering end? When we choose for it to. As I said, pain never ceases, but we at some point in the messes of life have to choose other things to fill our minds with. Force the good. What a hard thing for us to do. Seeking out the good when it hurts, oh man is it hard. I pray for you to find the peace of God in that quiet place and that he takes you over if you are in any pain and suffering ❤️

“Here’s the story I’ll tell my friends when they come to worship, and punctuate it with Hallelujahs: Shout Hallelujah, you God-worshipers; give glory, you sons of Jacob; adore him, you daughters of Israel. He has never let you down, never looked the other way when you were being kicked around. He has never wandered off to do his own thing; he has been right there, listening.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭22:22-24‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Listening to: Ed Sheeran 

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners. 

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Have a Question for Maritza?

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Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds

Time may lessen the hurts, the pains of life, but it will not heal all wounds. That is something we have to make an effort to do. When the future you were counting on turns to mush in your hands, you want to ask yourself some serious questions.

“What was my part in what went down? How might I have given my power away in this situation? What motivated me to do that, and what can I do now to make things better? How can I make something beautiful of this? I would be lying to you if I told you “All is great! And here are 10 great things to do in life.” No, I don’t have much advice to give and I might not have any good advice for awhile and sometimes that’s okay.

What I can tell you is to:

1. Learn from your mistakes.

2. Stop blaming anyone (yourself included).

3. Resolve to do better next time.

4. Grow. Learn. Forgive.

That is sincerely all I have in me today. I am learning to tend to my mind, my heart, growing, learning, and forgiving. In this process, I am also loving others even in the midst of hurts, pains and I’ve realized that time doesn’t heal all wounds. We heal our wounds.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.— Frank Zappa

Listening to: Ed Sheeran

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners. 

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Have a Question for Maritza?

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Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

Are You Taking Care Of Yourself?

When I am going through difficulties it is super hard for me to remain strong. I do have a tendency to become overly emotional I’m sure many of you are not like that. In the last few weeks I’ve been going through a lot of things mentally, physically, and emotionally, concerning my son Jaiden. For those of you have children with autism and a special needs you may know exactly what I’m going through. Jaiden will be fifteen next week and I’ve done so much I believe to try to help him through his difficulties. However, I’ve come to a point where I’ve exhausted all I can do for him and feel that I’ve reached my capabilities in helping him.

Jaiden this past year has become increasingly aggressive and agitated and physically combative. In helping him through all of this and all of these years with schooling, therapies, medical appointments, toileting, showering and comforting him when needed I lost myself. I forgot about the others in my household. I forgot about myself. I started to take Jaiden on walks, I thought this would help me a little and in the process I’m helping him too. BUT that only worked for so long. Everything I tried and did to find peace resulted in failure or Jaiden melting down. Not his fault at all. I admit I lost myself and instead of letting others help more I tried to do more for him so much so our home started to fall apart.

I say this all to ask are you taking care of yourself? Are you taking care of yourself? I am now starting to understand that self care is so important to your emotional well being. I am writing in a journal daily now, trying to be mindful of what I eat and drink now. In addition to time in quiet. I wasn’t taking very good care of myself. I hope that you can catch a break if you can.

I am slightly depressed now. Slightly. Although I now have a break and am more aware how life is changing. Jaiden will be with his biological father and all the grandparents more now as they have all agreed to help out. I am thankful, but as I said before, slightly depressed. Maybe in time I will feel less depressed and more peaceful. In the meantime, I will continue to make an effort to take care of myself and I hope you will too. It’s a long journey and you might as well start taking care of yourself now and enjoy what you can now.

“I am greatly afflicted; Renew and revive me [giving me life], O Lord, according to Your word.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭119:107‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Listening to: Lady Gaga A Million Reasons

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners. 

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Have a Question for Maritza?

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Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

“Learning to suffer well is the key”

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

How To Cope With Difficult Times

When life isn’t too difficult we take pics

How do you cope with difficult times? When you find yourself in a period of life where it’s difficult what do you do? I’ve lost several loved ones, struggle with depression/PTSD, had a brain tumor, have a son with severe autism and special needs and the reality is it’s crazy difficult. Life brings with it lots of discouragements all the pain, all the grief, all the unknown. Truth is, I have not much encouragement to offer you today and when that happens I believe some changes in what I do need to be made. Last week I said:

There are days where I feel less like a mother and more like a caregiver.

I have entered a battlefield with my special needs son. It’s hard to say this and even read this knowing I don’t know the outcome of any of this, however what I do know is I love my family and will keep making sure we are all getting the help we need.

Thankfully, I have some resources I turn to when I’m in need of some help and soul care. I hope this serves you well today after you read it. When times are difficult rest, cry, listen to music, read blogs like this, and talk to loved ones who care.

Since I’ve not much to offer today, in terms of encouragement and strategies, Life Coach Brendon Burchard has some encouraging tips I paraphrase them below for when we face difficulties in life and they are:

1.Go set three goals for the day. Just having three things to do to move yourself through the day could help you through. If it doesn’t then rest, and rest some more. Everyday do three small goals and you will feel a little better a little bit at a time. It may take awhile and I understand as I am going through lots of difficulties while writing this to you. Try one thing if three is too much.

2. Get up take a shower drink coffee.

3. Get dressed, go to a coffee shop, read a book, call a family member, call a friend, call a pastor and remember this too shall pass. Don’t wait in the darkness and sadness you have to move.

4. Keep perspective remember your strength when times are dark. You forget the power you have within you. The power of choice to direct your own actions each day. That’s a miracle when it’s difficult. Remember good times and the gift of free will to direct yourself. It’s ok to have a bad days and eat lots of cookies, donuts maybe some ice cream, watch movies for a few days but not day after day after day.

5. Learn 3 new things. What can I learn from this today? What should I start learning? Sometimes when your being kicked in the butt and going bat crap crazy have a desire to be your best self despite the difficulties. How would your best self deal with this as your best self in difficult times? You forget you can do something about this moment so react positively.

5. When it’s difficult, keep being thankful and be aware of all the blessings you have. Be grateful for your health and who you are and for those who do support you. Keep it all in mind so you will feel your energy rise up.

In saying all of this I am aware that mental health issues are not quickly fixed by just changing our mindsets. You may only be able to do one out of these five. I know that some mental health issues require medication long term and others short term and that is ok too especially if needed. I pray that you are on your way to being well mind, body and spirit and get the help you need. Have a good thanksgiving.

Listening to: Brandon Lake Gratitude

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners. 

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Have a Question for Maritza?

Send your questions to maritzamolis@gmail.com

Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

“Learning to suffer well is the key”

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

I’ve Finally Gone Bat Crap Crazy

Caring for a child with severe autism is so much more than being a parent. For some, it’s an up all night, battle after battle, heavy life journey.

I have 3 children. Jaiden, my middle child, is loving, affectionate, funny and was diagnosed with epilepsy at 8 months, autism at age 2 and an intellectual disability by age 4. He is now 14 and his behaviors are on the severe end meaning he is nonverbal, with severe sensory issues, and a slew of other issues. This includes toileting.

There are days where I feel less like a mother and more like a caregiver.

I have entered a battlefield with my special needs son.

I used to take him to school. And by that, I mean, a behavioral center where I physically would hand over his flailing, kicking, screaming body to the technician. It got to the point where I was not able to take him anymore due to him having severe aggression and violent outbursts. I had my husband Kevin take him to school one day and he came back like he had just gone through an intense battle. I thought to myself this is what I look like when I come home? OMG.

I sweat, I feel pain from bruises, scratches. The bite marks are visible on my hand. My face is swollen, my head hurts, face hurts from a swift bonk to my face. My back, painful daily and destroyed. Most days I feel disheveled and unsettled like I’ve gone through the fight of my life.

The second I would leave the parking lot of Jaidens school I would burst into tears. I was able to hold them back long enough to let go in my car. I would put on a sermon, cry out to God and worship on my way home. I did this every single morning for years until I couldn’t any longer physically do it.

I will say things to myself like “Jai needs to see me smile. He needs to know that I’m here for him no matter what, he needs a good school, and he needs to know that I’m fine.” Except, just like the days before, I am not fine. I am hurt and exhausted like many other parents with severe special needs children. I am exhausted, anxious, crying and I feel terrible.

I refill my coffee cup for the 3rd time that school morning and don’t even feel like myself. I see bruises, scratches on my forearms. My hair is greasy as I don’t have the energy to wash it. Jaiden needs constant supervision.

I want to be super clear here. I love my Jai more than I can put into words. However, taking care of him is sometimes more stressful than I know how to handle. He is bigger, getting older and I feel I’m shrinking even though I am still the same size. Taking care of Jaiden at 12 months is different from caring for Jaiden at 205 pounds having a severe meltdown. It’s entirely different.

I have seen two out of the three of my boys go from little boys that turned into teens that are turning into young men. Again, with Jaiden it’s entirely different.

Caring for Jaiden is a 24 hour a day job.

I used to work full time. And yes, Jai was in school 8 hours a day. Nowadays, I home educate, take care of the household, write, podcast and worship at our church. I am sick more often than I’ve ever been. I can’t remember the last time I felt rested. When we have time to go out with friends or take a break I feel like I don’t belong. “Am I the only one that feels this way?” I say to myself. Then I take a deep breath and know I’m most definitely NOT the only one who feels this way,

Burnout is a dangerous place to be.

As I write this, I am hurting physically from the wounds I’ve obtained from last nights battle. I also hurt mentally and emotionally along with my kids and husband. I’ve tapped out. Ding, ding, ding! I literally feel like I’ve stepped outside my body and I’m outside looking in. I swore I saw a ghost of Jaiden last night before bed. I cried, I took some sleep meds to help me fall asleep. I have reached a point and I’ve gone bat crap crazy. I wish I had helpful advice today. I only have a few things to mention to you if your experiencing burnout:

1. Your emotions are ALL over the place. You feel irritable one minute, sad and anxious the next. Depression sets in depending on what just happened with your child and it changes from minute to minute.

2. Your immune system doesn’t function properly. You get sick frequently and feel awful most days.

3. You love doing things and having hobbies, but you just don’t have the energy to engage in them. So you don’t do them anymore and at this point you don’t even know what you like to do anymore. So you sit, cry, drink coffee and watch Netflix or Hulu.

4. You struggle to sleep and relax. Your mind is ruminating on what to do for your child, how they will be, how do the feel, are you missing anything?

I’m sitting here in a place where I’m lost. I’ve been stressed and always finding things, doing things to stress less. This time…I will sit here in quiet and maybe rest a little.

“You, Lord, are my shepherd. I will never be in need. You let me rest in fields of green grass. You lead me to streams of peaceful water, and you refresh my life. You are true to your name, and you lead me along the right paths.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:1-3‬ ‭CEV‬‬

Listening to: Mercy Me Even If

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners. 

Click down below and subscribe 👇🏼

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-autism-stress-less-podcast/id1426429050

Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

“Learning to suffer well is the key”

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

Severe Autism Blog Series

Here I go again, I feel like I come on here from time to time and talk to you all about how to deal with your child who has autism and aggression. I’ve noticed a trend myself on posts where I discuss autism aggression and meltdowns and I wish I could tell you that it gets better. The truth is, it gets much harder especially when your child becomes a teenager. They get taller, they weigh more, they eat more, and they are much stronger. 

I wish I could tell you that I have a few tips to help you with aggression and violence, but I truly don’t have many tips to give. I can however, give you my experience and words and just tell you that you definitely have to put on love more than anything as well as be physically fit, mentally fit, and emotionally fit. It helps if you have a friend or two that loves your child and is there to cry with you and pray with and for you.

Today I woke up with the boys and believed it was going to be a good morning. Jaiden asked for music so I gave him his phone and it literally has a few apps he loves along with his music file. He went down to the basement in a few minutes after I heard the phone being thrown on the floor which happens quite frequently in our house. I told Jaiden to come upstairs to see what was going on. He was so upset he just threw himself on the floor kicking, screaming, and wailing. I had a hunch that he might hurt me physically, but I ignored it and instead tried to see if I could help him. He ended up physically hurting me after I tried to offer him some medicine. Normally, he is up for it. Today, he was livid. I know next time not to ignore that hunch. Of course, it through off the whole day and homeschool day, however I always have a back up plan for school just in case. So today, Sebastian did really well working on his language arts and math at my mom and dads house. Later on, he did reading and piano at home. As for Jaiden, he of course had the day off. Back to the drawing board tomorrow to help him with what he needs.

You guys, it is really hard. If you have a child with severe autism and special needs do your best and rest up when you need to and God will give you peace that surpasses all understanding when you need it most for sure. It is hard. It is hard. I have to get in my car sometimes and go to a park, a college, a library, or just to get ice cream. Today it was ice cream.

“Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. Don’t let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proven true.” Psalms‬ ‭139:23-24‬

Listening to: Mercy Me Even If

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners. 

Help support the podcast

https://anchor.fm/molisfam/support.

Click down below and subscribe 👇🏼

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-autism-stress-less-podcast/id1426429050

Have a Question for Maritza?

Send your questions to maritzamolis@gmail.com

Get Maritza’s Books Autism in Our Home and The Autism Stress Less Guide on Amazon and Barnes and Noble Now!! Putting God first when parenting your child with autism is the best thing you can do for your family! I want to help you to get your mind right and point you to the right resources. My second book is a small booklet and out on Amazon now!! 

Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

Laugh a little and learn a lot on Kevin’s YouTube page Autism Dadda

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClCgg1lNqI3cmeE4fBHFjvw

“Learning to suffer well is the key”

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

Pursue What Matters

My son Jaiden has Epilepsy, level 3 autism And an intellectual disability so when our family goes out out anywhere, people notice us. Sometimes people will stare, smile or just look away. I have developed a habit of not looking at them so I don’t even notice it anymore. I keep my eyes focused on Jaiden.

At first glance Jaiden is handsome and usually, he is heard. If we go to the grocery store and he bolts, screams, people look. If we’re at the park and he flaps, and paces people notice. Depending on how loud he is or where we are, we sometimes get a few questions and statements.

I’ve had people say, “He must be talented.” I am not sure what they mean. “His autism? Is he talented because of his autism?” “Yes,” he answered. Then followed up with, “Yea, there is this guy I saw online that is blind and with autism and he plays the piano he is amazing!” In another conversation I had with a mom at my younger son’s past school, I was asked “Is he a savant?” My husband Kev just said not everyone of our kids is like the man in the show “The Good Doctor.”

I don’t always know how to respond to such questions. Sometimes I get uneasy, sometimes I just listen and walk away. I don’t know why people feel the need to say those things or ask such questions, but I just kinda brush them off now.

Why is there suffering? Why do we have to go through it? Why do we have to walk by it? Hear it cry out? What is the cause of all this?

In Exodus 4:11 the Lord asked Moses, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?” It is God. It is God who allows these disabilities, these differences, and He must have a reason.

We wonder if it’s our fault. If we’re being punished by God for something we did or didn’t do. I’m learning right along with many of you. It’s not about me or if I did this to Jaiden. It’s not even about the questions people ask or what they assume. It’s about how everything in creation can bring God glory.

I have cried. I have yelled at God. I broke. God built me back up. I chose love. I pursue what matters. That is loving God, my family and others. I pray the same for you too.

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes or Spotify. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds. I am aiming for 100 listeners.

Help support the podcast

https://anchor.fm/molisfam/support.

Click down below and subscribe 👇🏼

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-autism-stress-less-podcast/id1426429050

Have a Question for Maritza?

Send your questions to maritzamolis@gmail.com

Get Maritza’s Books Autism in Our Home and The Autism Stress Less Guide on Amazon and Barnes and Noble Now!! Putting God first when parenting your child with autism is the best thing you can do for your family! I want to help you to get your mind right and point you to the right resources. My second book is a small booklet and out on Amazon now!!

Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

Laugh a little and learn a lot on Kevin’s YouTube page Autism Dadda

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClCgg1lNqI3cmeE4fBHFjvw

“Learning to suffer well is the key”

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

That Peace

When my middle child was diagnosed with level three autism I walked out of the autism center in Cleveland, Ohio and wept and physically shook. I had known for some time that something developmentally was wrong with him and that him having a rare form of epilepsy wasn’t all that was going on. I had a lot of inner struggles going on in me at that time, but I still was certain that God was leading me to do something. I believe had I not sought Gods will for my life and followed it I would’ve been a mess maybe even an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Stormy Omartian says it best, “When we walk in the will of God we find safety.” Despite all the changes that were taking place in my life and in the life of my husband and kids I constantly would ask God to show me his will and lead me into his ways. It was very hard the first few years of Jaiden‘s diagnosis says he had countless appointments, therapies, procedures and it wasn’t an easy, fun, enjoyable, or pleasant time. Just because we follow God doesn’t mean we won’t have any trouble and I know in the Bible it says that he uses the trouble to help perfect us, but man I did not want to hear that. The truth is sometimes I still don’t wanna hear that.

In all of this, peace was what I was searching for and during that time I was studying psychology at Liberty University online and learning so many different ways of thinking and behaving and doing life, but I still no matter what I studied did not find that peace. I was trying to find peace and wisdom from psychology books and professors. In the book of Ephesians 5 :17 it says, “Do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” It was not until I sought Gods will that I began to experience “that peace” that surpasses all understanding.

I learned to sing through my troubles. After the diagnosis Jaiden had received in 2008, I also had a diagnosis a few years later in 2015 with a benign brain tumor. My older son Julian was with me when the doctor gave me the diagnosis. I had a panic attack in the car with my son sitting next to me. My heart broke for him and for my family I didn’t know what were the next steps. However, anxiety sets in when we are trying to know what to do in the future.

God will wipe away everything that hurts and he knows what you and your family need. I could’ve turned to alcohol and drugs after all these things that weighed heavy on me and my family. God is willing to give you the strength you need, but you need to ask him to give you strength. For some of you, it might some weakness like over eating, lust or overspending. It is possible for you to live right and think clearly even in the midst of all the chaos. God will answer your prayers.

“Give up your evil ways and do right, as you find and follow the road to peace.”
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:11‬ ‭CEV‬‬

How You Can Help

If you find the blog and podcast helpful, please Like, Subscribe and Review Podcast on iTunes. It’s a great way to support the show and only takes a few seconds.

Click down below and subscribe 👇🏼

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-autism-stress-less-podcast/id1426429050

Have a Question for Maritza?

Send your questions to maritzamolis@gmail.com

Get Maritza’s Books Autism in Our Home and The Autism Stress Less Guide on Amazon and Barnes and Noble Now!! Putting God first when parenting your child with autism is the best thing you can do for your family! I want to help you to get your mind right and point you to the right resources. My second book is a small booklet and out on Amazon now!! Autism in Our Home: The Making of a Bittersweet Family

Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

Laugh a little and learn a lot on Kevin’s YouTube page Autism Dadda

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClCgg1lNqI3cmeE4fBHFjvw

“Learning to suffer well is the key”

http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=autism-in-our-home

The Cruelest Of Circumstances

I believe that real fathers support their children without the law telling them to do so. I have a blended family both of my older boys are from a previous relationship and Sebastian is from my relationship with Kevin my husband. See the thing is I have given the boys biological father reigns to see the boys whenever he feels like it. That doesn’t matter because you see, real fathers support their children and love their children no matter what. Real fathers don’t need to be told to come get their children or to come see their children.

What I realized is that the random visits on the weekends were hurting the kids more than anything. For the first time, I have realized that I don’t even want him in the picture anymore. I will be honest with you he hasn’t been in the picture for a year today and that is all his choice. Without fathers being present a child’s world falls apart emotionally. My oldest is going to be 21 and he’s doing well, but not without emotional wounds. My middle child Jaiden is not doing so well I believe a lot of it is due to him having an intellectual disability, autism, epilepsy, however I also believe he’s having a hard time regulating his emotions about his absent father because he is nonverbal. He can’t explain his pain, he can’t explain how he feels, and he can’t question why his father hasn’t come to see him in a year.

I could go on and talk about all the statistics of how fatherless children grow up to be absent parents themselves, can also go on to become murderers and suicidal because of all the emotional trauma experienced. I will not bore you with all of that and I feel it is our job as parents that are present to love on these kids twice as much right? I believe that there are real parents, real grandparents, real mothers, real fathers that want to be present, will love them, and do the work to help. It is our job to love on them and show them how they can make it without the absent parent.

The absent parent, are they a deadbeat? That is a great question to ask yourself and it does depend on the situation. In our boys situation I would have to say the absent parent yes is indeed a deadbeat. What is a deadbeat? The definition of a deadbeat parent is a person who deliberately neglects parental responsibilities. If you didn’t know that, now you know.

Your child’s biological parent is a deadbeat if:

1. They think of themselves, not the children and what they need.

2. They put work, women, men and others above their own children.

3. They don’t call, FaceTime or text their children ever.

4. They don’t know what’s going on medically, educationally with your child.

5. They are narcissistic, abusive, dangerous liars who believe their own lies, and make it all about You not the children.

6. They assume the other parent taught them to hate them, but It’s all nonsense because of their absence the children have been poisoned by the lack of fathering/mothering and that’s why they hate them. The children become angry with them, and hurt as the absence is the poison.

I am left to pick up the pieces with my husband and we both understand that crappy people do crappy things. It’s hard to ignore all of the inconsistencies. I do hold it against him, and we’ve learned to put up boundaries concerning him. I am a believer in God and let me tell you sometimes it’s hard to be Christlike when people are hurting your children emotionally. However, I’ll keep on loving my boys along with my husband and he has proven over and over to be an amazing father. Be grateful if you have a good husband, or a good wife, that is on your team to help you raise your tribe. Good parents, loving parents, will stay and do the work. The hard part for my children is grieving the loss of a parent that is still alive. Family is supposed to be a haven of peace. I encourage you to try to make your house a haven of peace for your marriage and for your children.

If you do have an absent parent make sure you:

1. Validate your children’s feelings let them know that you’re there for them and you or hearing how they feel.

2. Definitely encourage them and praise them for all the good they are doing.

3. Point out parental figures in their lives that are there for them.

4. Teach them coping skills by either setting them up with counseling if they are able to go to counseling, take them to church every week maybe even twice a week, teach them how to breathe, listen to music, play music, sing, dance, paint, anything that could help them improve their emotional stability. Love, love and love some more.

I definitely can’t change the fact that the boys have an absent father. However, they have a real father in God who is oh so loving, watches over them, weeps with them and an earthly father who loves them, is a team player and takes care of them. Your children have you or you and your spouse too. Keep showing them how much you love them and how much you love being a part of their life.

“And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Have a Question for Maritza?

Send your questions to maritzamolis@gmail.com

Get Maritza’s Books Autism in Our Home and The Autism Stress Less Guide on Amazon and Barnes and Noble Now!! Putting God first when parenting your child with autism is the best thing you can do for your family! I want to help you to get your mind right and point you to the right resources. My second book is a small booklet and out on Amazon now!! Autism in Our Home: The Making of a Bittersweet Family

Amazon author page

https://www.amazon.com/author/maritzamolis

Autism Stress Less Guide Booklet: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08NTZ4XW9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_m18TFb7282ZSV

Laugh a little and learn a lot on Kevin’s YouTube page Autism Dadda

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClCgg1lNqI3cmeE4fBHFjvw

“Learning to suffer well is the key”